Terror

NOTE: This is written by Melvin Durai's, I couldnt possibly get very close to this now, can I? I know you guys dont like me talking about Bush but this is hillarious.

President Bush has asked Congress for $72.4 billion to fund the "Global War on Terror" through fiscal year 2006. About $65 billion will go toward the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, bringing total spending for the two wars to nearly $400 billion. That's a lot of money, folks, almost $1,000 for every man, woman, child, dog, cat and goldfish in America. I can't fathom spending $400 billion on two wars. I mean, wouldn't it be cheaper to just send Dick Cheney over there?

The vice president is surely embarrassed about shooting his friend while quail hunting and eager for a chance to redeem himself. Drop him in the war zone, I say. You might be surprised what a man with motivation can do.

General: "Mr. Vice President, how did you do today?"
Cheney: "Pretty good. I'm all out of ammunition."
General: "Great! What did you shoot?"
Cheney: "Forty-five targets, including 23 barns, 15 sheds and seven trees."
General: "Good. I'll add them to the enemy casualty list. But what about the insurgents? Did you get any of them?"

Cheney: "No, as soon as they saw me, the insurgents turned into outsurgents. They started running in all directions, yelling something like, 'It's the crazy guy who shot his friend. Imagine what he'll do to us.' I tried firing at them, but those darn barns kept getting in the way. The sheds and trees, too."

General: "Well, you'll do better tomorrow, I'm sure."
Cheney: "I hope so. If I keep hitting worthless objects, how's my firm going to get another rebuilding contract?"

Okay, maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to send Cheney to Iraq. He can be far more useful in America, especially if he helps explain where all the money is going. According to a White House press release, "The President is committed to giving our troops and commanders in the field the resources they need to fight and win the War on Terror." I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to the day when President Bush can declare victory over terror. I'm going to be so elated when I see the New York Times headline that says, "Terror surrenders, war over." But I can't help thinking that America can terrorize terror into submission without spending so much money.
Here are just a few suggestions:

---Put democracy to work. Bush needs to get on the phone with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia and others: "We're bringing democracy to Iraq and if you don't start helping us with the costs, we'll bring it to you too." I mean, what good is democracy if you can't threaten people with it?

---Create a real coalition. America sent 130,000 soldiers to Iraq, while Kazakhstan sent a dozen nightclub bouncers. Bush allowed Mexico to get away with sending not a single soldier, though he could have easily rounded up a platoon on a street corner in L.A.

---Check the math. When you spend $400 billion, you can afford to hire a few auditors to make sure no one is getting rich off the war, except those approved by the president. I wish some of the soldiers were getting rich, because many of them come from poor families. Rich kids don't go to war -- they go to Congress. And they never know what it's like to be in a war, never know what it's like to be shot at, except of course when they go hunting with Cheney.